Wanting the wedding cake, AND eating it too?

     The traditional marriage vow goes something like this:  "For richer, for poorer. Until death do us part." Those contemplating to publicly and in the eyes of God, make those vows as well those who are bent on preserving the 'institution of marriage' both have one thing in common - they don't want to or never seem to remember about divorce.  In these United States, according to the latest U.S. Census Bureau report, there were 19.1 weddings performed per 1,000 men and 17.6 per 1,000 women across the U.S. in 2009, while divorces became final for 9.2 of every 1,000 men and 9.7 of ever 1,000 women.
    Adding to those that wish to conveniently divorce their minds of the facts, Ex-Senator and presidential candidate Rick Santorum took the opportunity to deflect these impressive divorce statistics and instead concentrate on putting the blame for a record low rate of marriages on recent advances by insistent, same-sex, marriage equalitarians.  According to his Tweet it was one of the direct effects of changing the definition of who can and should not participate in the traditional marital act.  Among others, factors such as a greater emphasis of education and career development, social acceptance of (same- and opposite-sex) cohabitation, and an increasing desire by women and men to be financially independent before entering into marriage, were conveniently excepted from Mr. Santorum's argument.
     One wonders just what it is that keeps defenders and preservationists of marriage from being reminded of the seeming "check out clause" of the traditional marriage vow.  Perhaps they don't want to put the effort toward lobbying Congress to enact more stringent divorce laws in America?  Would they find themselves unable to uphold such laws?
     It's fairly apparent that divorce is quite likely what's being defended given the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), since it was enacted on September 21, 1996, was ineffective at curbing the tide of divorce.  Perhaps, again, much like the beaming bride-to-be in white and husband-to-be in black there are a great many that don't want to think about the matter of divorce.  DOMA was a non-starter for affecting a reduction in divorce rates because defenders and preservationists of divorce need to defend the "check out clause."  They want their traditional and sanctimonious wedding cake AND they want to eat it too.
     It's quite comical (and perhaps evidence of the above stated hypothesis) that a full website search of the National Organization of Marriage internet presence is devoid of any mention of,...not one reminder of the existence and prevalence of divorce.
     It would seem that defenders of the marital institution have an equally forgetful (or purposed defender of divorce) list of accomplices - the partnerships of Family Policy Councils, the Family Research Council, and (to a lesser extent) Focus on the Family.  They all concentrate on fighting for issues that ultimately codify who can enter into a marital relationship, human sexuality, abortion, parental rights, and pornography.  Lost in all these charged issues is the most important issue of all - THE RIGHTS AND WELFARE OF CHILDREN within the sanctimonious institution of marriage.
     Marriage preservationists might want to also be aware that, according to the same report, roughly 1.1 million children or 1.5 percent of all children in the United States, lived in 2009 in the home of a parent who divorced in the previous year. How about a Focus on the CHILDREN OF DIVORCE? How about a Focus on DIVORCE LAWS?
     Oh, that's right...these defenders want their cake and they are not leaving a piece of it for the children of divorce.  (Photo: Courtesy of Peter Dazeley/Getty Images)

How high must the fidelity bar be ??

     There is an old adage "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't read the menu."  While it may have originated as advice to support those who are on diets, it seems that many who are otherwise in 'loving and committed' religious-based relationships have taken such advice to heart...some see no issues in ordering from the menu as well.
      In recent weeks, we are reminded that politicians (and those that have publicly desired to become one, like Herman Cain), the very lawmakers in America that have written laws (like DOMA) based on the Defenders of Marriage cries and petitions for protection of the Sanctity of Marriage, have demonstrated their ability fall short of their goals of matrimonial faithfulness.
     Let's be reminded of the 'legal argument' Defenders of Marriage used to petition for the DOMA law, and why many of the very lawmakers who voted to legislate it (and potential politicians to execute those laws) are unable to stand by their supposed principles - Protect the Sanctity of Marriage at all cost!!
     A foundational tenet and obligation of marriage is fidelity. Merriam-Webster defines fidelity as 'quality or state of being faithful.'  In the bible, God equates marriage to a Covenant (Malachi 2:13,14,16), furthermore Paul in Ephesians 5 states that marriage is analogous to the relationship between Christ and the Church. 1 Peter 4:8 states, "above all hold unfailing your love for one another since love covers a multitude of sins."
     What is an acceptable level of fidelity?   Let's check with a politician wanna be, Mr. Herman Cain,... In the course of 3-4 weeks, a total of four woman have made allegations against him which have called into question is streak of non-fidelity. At first, we learned of allegations of inappropriate sexually suggestive behavior toward a two female employees while he was President of the National Restaurant Association.  Then a third, female ex-staffer complained that he displayed aggressive and unsolicited behavior, including suggestive remarks and inappropriate gestures. She claimed that he even invited her back to his apartment.
     During that period, we learned of the somewhat questionable website for the  Women for Cain, an online national fellowship of women that has as its National Chairperson none other than his wife Gloria Cain, that is dedicated to helping elect Herman Cain as the next President of the United States.
     Perhaps, marital fidelity has a bar set at 2 or 3 occurrences of unfaithfulness? Just when it was thought we were all ready to accept this, next comes a fourth woman, Ginger White, a longtime friend of Cain's, told an Atlanta-based Fox affiliate that they had engaged in a consensual, 13-year-long extramarital affair.
     After Mr. Cain was unable to deny this fourth occurrence and check with his wife, Gloria, today Herman Cain, potential executive agent of the DOMA law as President, just announced in a press conference that it's just not meant to be.
     Perhaps, we may have found at least one level of a marriage sanctimony fidelity bar that the American public is just not able to accept!  (Photo courtesy of Friends of Herman Cain, Inc.)

"The Bachelor" - Turning a Blind Eye

     Get ready viewers, the 16th season Bachelor has been named - Ben Flajnik!  First premiering on March 25th, 2002, prime time reality TV has brought to American culture The Bachelor where one man has the opportunity over several weeks of "exotic and exciting dates" through the process of elimination to progressively pick from 25 eligible single women that one true love. In true dating style and realities, each woman at any point along if she is no longer interested can decline his invitation to continue dating.  Of course, the season climax to this new-fangled courtship drama is how the lucky remaining woman responds if he pops the big question, "Will you marry me?"
     The concept of love and relationship finding on television is nothing new as The Bachelor is a fanciful spin on The Dating Game, but given the American conservative culture has guarded and preserved this precious institution so well to date, the goal of this reality show is - well, you guessed it...marriage.
     It is confounding that The Defenders of Marriage (see this Blog's sidebar) have been silent to the American Broadcasting Company (ABC), the network sponsoring The Bachelor.  Considering the show's trivial treatment of this hallowed institution, that it commands millions of viewers (many of which are impressionable young adults) during prime time makes one wonder if those defenders are in effect willing witnesses to a shaky cultural shift on the matter of marriage.
    The Defenders of Marriage have been bystanders for not one season, but 15 seasons of this trivialization. (Photo courtesy of The Hollywood Gossip)

Wed and KarDash ! - 72 Days

     “Sometimes things don’t work out as planned," that's the comment heard from Kim Kardashian shortly after divorcing Kris Humphries from a $10 million, 72 day, stellar show of sanctimonious bliss. Rather than raising holy hell, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) activists, the Family Research Council, and Catholic Church priests were instead running for cover.
     Here's an interesting article in the Washington Post, What Kim Kardashian's Divorce Can Teach Us About Marriage, which reminds us that the planning of a wedding is not the same as the planning of a life together. (Photo Courtesy of INFphoto.com)